What is lost
by Katyfoxdemon2
Summary: How can you repair the broken? How can you break free from guilt and depression?


Just an idea I had listening to a song and trying to get back into the swing of writing stories. Hoping to over haul the stories I have that have not been updated in ages. I do not own any of the Yu Yu hakusho Characters I may borrow. But I do Own all and any rights to my creations. Thank you for reading.

Here I stand once more looking at you. Pity wells up inside me but I know that is not something you wish for anyone to feel for you. Your pride would brush it away and make you smile that smile you always smiled for me. That same damned smile you gave to anyone you cared for.

I guess the saying that once your soul dies all that left is a shell. I thought so much more of you. Strong and stubborn were traits we once shared. Your vast knowledge used to be a comfort to my soul. But to see you as you are is not what I know of you. You are not that you I knew. The being I loved with all that I could no longer exists. Their shell is the only thing left.

I walk over slowly as the moon lights up the room. You have not moved from where I put you earlier. Honstly you need to get out of this and win this battle. It has taken a hold of you and rooted itself deep in you taking you over. In a way its scary to deal with this and know that I can not offer anything to you to help you understand what you should do. Then again I have never been where you are and not for the first time I hope that I never will.

Grabbing a body that was now mostly bone and skin that lacked its inner energy I move you to our room. Laying you gently on the bed while you do not move the whole time. Your eyes were always so full of a inner light and held in the all the secrets in all three worlds are now dull. A tear wells up in my right eye and I blink as to not allow it to fall. I wont cry for you. I wont shed one more tear till the man I love comes back to me. Till then I wont shed a tear.

A arm grabs out clutching me harshly towards you. Your eyes now have a bit of a wild look in them. I try to swallow the sudden saliva in my throat. You tremble and my heart breaks again. I allow you to hold me tightly as I run a hand through your hair and mutter it will be alright.

Will it be alright though? Will you come back to me as you once were? Or are we destined to be only a shell and a demon? Can I fix you and help you as you have me? Have I failed you my sweet sly fox?

My eyes shut tightly and my right hand forms a fist tight enough to cause me some minor pain. I gritt my teeth and listen to your cries. I fight the fear and uneasiness of this. I have to remain strong. I cannot break for you do still need me.

" Kurama, stop crying. You know that what happened was not just your fault.." I try to tell you to calm you down.

Then without warning memories over take me and I am no longer in a tiny apartment holding my fox and curled on a bed that is in need of cleaning. The unkepted over ran apartment shifts away and I am back to three months before hand.

three months before

You are now seated on the couch smiling one of the smiles you only shared for your family. Dressed in a pair of khaki slacks and a almond button up shirt you sat there like you were waiting to watch a show. Hands neatly in your lap as one leg crossed the other. Your black slippers were the only thing that took your image out of an office and in a home.

I stod up against a wall. Just got back from some work Mukuro had me finish up for her and went on a leave. It had been far too long since I was here in the ningen apartment we shared. My left shoulder hurt a bit but I was not going to let it show.

A giggle came out behind a wall and a skinny black haired girl jumped out. Her face full on mischief and eyes dancing with her inner happiness. A smile was broad on her sweet soft lips. Her head tilted to the right then the left.

" Are we ready?" She asked us dancing a bit as she waited. Always full of energy and ideas was Hakura.

" Why yes what do you have planed to show us today?" You ask her sounding like what she had to say was the most important thing on earth.

" A Happy home welcome for Daddy." She said and beamed at me. Then she started to sing and dance like she always did.

Hakura was a blessing for us. She was our little one and part of the better parts of both of us. We never thought about having a child or children. But when she came along after you got hit with that spell from a demoness on a battle we had to go through to save Yusuke's ass she was our prize. Something we never planned but were very happy to have.

It was not the plants or the colors you made to shade our home. But her laughter and yours that brought me back from the Makai time and again. My family. Something I never thought I would have in all my years. Nor did I truly believe I deserved.

Present

You have worn yourself out by crying. I let you lay there on our bed clutching a pillow now. All I can do is hope that your dreams will help you heal. I brush back your hair and kiss you once.

I move out to the livingroom and can not help but feel like a knife slices my heart as I see it. Nothing has changed since that night. Its still a mess with couches, chairs and bookcases broken and upturned. Blood still lingers on the ground and the walls. Also in the middle of the floor is a small dress. It's a size 4 with a pink bow and white lace on the bottom of it. It was bought for a child that no longer exists and its covered in her blood.

I sigh and move around to the phone. I can use it with no problem. After all a thief Has to learn his surroundings. If he does not he will be dead before sunrise. I am not able to get a hold of anyone but I leave a message for the baka. Looks like he took Yukina out again.

I stare into the empty halls that haunt me as they do you and hear laughter that no longer is there. I see a baby laying in a crib staring at me so trusting. Then I see a toddler trying to mimic everything I do or say. Then a child that is full of life and wants to learn so much as fast as she can. She grew so fas even for a demon she was always a fast learner. I never knew if she got that from me or you.

I go outside on the balcony and stay there keeping watch. What can I do Kurama to help you? How can I make you see you should still live and she would want you to do that. Not to waste away and become nothing.

How my love can I get you back?


End file.
